I am often asked ‘What does self-care mean to you?”

If I had to summarise, I would say it means taking responsibility for my own emotional, physical and mental health.  So how is my own self-care journey going?

We’re Never ‘Done’

I think people often forget that self-care is a work in progress, rather than something you tick off a list.  Of course that can mean it’s something that gets forgotten when things are busy or difficult – which is exactly the time you need it most!

This is why creating habits around self-care is one of the best ways to make it sustainable over time, as well as knowing what does and doesn’t nourish you, so that you can ensure you include things that nourish you, and exclude (as much as you can) those that don’t. For me, things that are nourishing include time with my partner and his child, reading a great novel, making a mind-map of a personal development course or book, or going on small adventures in Bangkok and other parts of Thailand. I try to exclude activities such as interactions with people who drain me, or adding things to my guilt list (and especially when these two go together!).

A Great Place to Start

Equally, beating yourself up for not doing self-care activities is counter-productive, so investing time in self-compassion can be a really helpful and core practice to start with for many people.  A great place to start with this is talking to yourself in the same way you would talk to your best friend – not what most of us usually do!

I think I’m evolving, and making incremental improvements in who I am, and the way I show up in the world – and I do think I’m working on creating a life where I nourish all parts of myself.

Sometimes I think back to the life I led in the UK, before I made the big decision to change my lifestyle.  Then I worked a great deal, and my health suffered.  I looked after some parts of myself – my intellectual self – and not others, such as my emotional or physical self.

Now I feel like I am more balanced, and able to show up as a better version of myself (though I’m still very much a work in progress!). 

Be Active in Your Own Life

So for me, part of self-care is considering who you are, and making more active and conscious decisions about the kind of person you want to be, and following that up with action.

What nourishes us is different for everyone (for example, introverts versus extroverts), and so doing that exploration of what you need to nourish you is a way self-care can help you find a ‘better self’.

I think a lot of people see self-care as bubble baths and green smoothies, and whilst those might be helpful to some, I think the concept of self-care is a lot deeper.

It’s about doing the hard things, like going to the dentist, or saying no to someone you love to enforce a boundary, as well as things you might consider easier.

There’s No Quick Fix…

We’re used to ‘getting everything now’. This means the ‘quick-fix’ is something many people expect, and putting in the work can feel more alien and like work we don’t want to do. The proliferation of lotions and potions being sold as self-care is evidence of this.

Work/life balance is perhaps more important today than ever. For example, for my consultant career in the UK, the pressure was very strong to work 60 hour weeks most weeks in order to be at a senior level. With a laptop at home and a mobile phone, it was hard to get away from work even when away from clients or the office. 

In order to change things, I made a full break from that lifestyle and had to create a life where I lived in a different country, and worked as a freelancer so that I could choose how much work I did, and at the same time be able to work as a writer. I realise I’m quite privileged to be able to do this, but at the same time, it took a great deal of strength to take that risk, and to let go of the dreams/ideas I thought I wanted for my career and progression in business. 

…But We Have More Choices Than We Think

Having said that, many of us do have choices about the time we spend away from work, and the challenge is to not just slump in front of the TV or computer, but to make more conscious explorations of what might nourish us when we’re not at work, and include more of those things in our lives. 

With an average number of 22.5 hours per week of TV watching in the UK  (not including streaming services such as Netflix) there could be room for many people to use at least some of that time differently. 

Make Self-Care Sustainable AND Sustaining

I haven’t found self-care ‘easy’.  I think just like most things, it takes a conscious and focused effort to invest time in it.

It’s possible and sustainable, but maybe ‘easy’ is a strong word. But neither do I think it is a luxury.  

For me – and most probably, for you – it is a necessity.